I have a confession to make. I couldn’t believe the words that came out of my mouth. I was talking to my website developer yesterday and said, “I’m technically challenged and terrible with computers”. Where did this come from? I was doing the exact opposite of what I tell people to do. My mind and my mouth were running on autopilot.
For as long as I can remember, I have been in a state of confusion when it comes to anything technology related. Remotes seem to get more complicated every year. Whatever happened to a simple on/off button? When I go to make a change to my website, I get anxious. It all looks like Chinese to me.
I immediately signed up for a WordPress and internet marketing course. I dropped the story, “I’m not good at this”, and changed it to, “This is easy for me”. I have a different feeling right now as I am posting this to my website, all because I changed my story.
According to research in the emerging field of narrative psychology, we all have one significant story that we tell ourselves, our “life story,” which helps us to organize our experiences and gives us our identity. This story controls our behavior and shapes our life.
Our story changes over time. We are constantly updating and adding to our story as we have new experiences.
We are like movie writers, producers and directors. We begin in childhood writing our script. We collect scenes that culminate to give us a sense of purpose and help us define who we are. We create settings, characters, image and themes. We run the movie in our minds over and over.
Some of us have created movies that have more drama than a Hollywood blockbuster. (I’m one of those people.). I remember telling my life story over and over again when I was younger. My role was the victim and the characters were my Mom, Dad and Stepfather. Although the story was a tragedy, it brought meaning to my life and it helped me get the attention I was missing as a child.
At age 23, I participated in a life-changing seminar. I realized that my story was fabricated. The events were accurate, however, my interpretation of the events were dramatic and depressing. I felt damaged, not good enough, and less fortunate than other people.
I rewrote my life story to be empowering, like a medal of honor. My new story described me as strong, resilient, and able to do anything. In my movie, I was a superhero.
Just about every problem we have can be traced back to a story we tell ourselves.
Our stories can ruin our relationships. Some common ones are, “I’m a loser, I’m not good enough, I don’t make my partner happy, I don’t feel special or loved, I don’t want to be alone, I will never find the right person, and the old classic, I hate you, please don’t leave.”
These feelings come from our story. When we change our story, we change our relationships. Many times our stories keep us with the wrong person. When we create a more positive story, we empower ourselves to move on and find the love we want.
Stories can be barriers to our success. Some common thoughts are, “I’m a fake, they are better than me, I’m too old or too young, I don’t have enough experience, I’m not good at this, I don’t know what to do, this is too hard, I’m bored, I don’t want to fail, I’m not ready, or I just want to quit”. These all limit us and keep us from getting the results we want.
What is your story? How does it limit you? How does it empower you? Is may be time to rewrite it.
You are the author of your own life. You are not a sum of your experiences or your circumstances. You are what you say you are.
There are 100 different stories you can create around any one incident in your life. Why not choose one that makes you feel good?
You are the writer, director and producer of your movie. You are in control of how you feel about yourself and your life. You can write a new scene that starts right now. It’s time to turn the page and design a future you absolutely love.
Have fun with it! DREAM BIG. Let go of what doesn’t serve you and produce a movie where you win!