Comparison is the thief of joy… but only if you go about it the wrong way.
If you do a Google search on comparing yourself to others, there are thousands of articles that tell you not to do it.
I disagree. I think that comparison can actually help you to become more powerful and successful, if done right.
When I first started my business, I would constantly compare myself to other people who were farther along and more successful than I was. The habit ignited my inner critic and sucked the life out of me.
“What does she have that I don’t? How did she get there so fast? She is so much younger than me -better than me -smarter than me – prettier than me – richer than me.”
The doubt would transform to confusion and hopelessness: “Will I ever get there? Am I doing the something wrong? Should I change what I am doing? I’m not good at this –I can’t do this!
My thoughts were throwing me completely off track. It was a distraction and a waste of precious time.
We have all done it before—compared ourselves to someone else.
When we see another person who has what we want or someone who is where we want to be, it is natural to move into comparison.
The problem is that we make that comparison mean something negative about us.
This unhealthy comparison pushes our “not good enough” button and we get smaller and smaller, just like Alice in Wonderland when she ate the cookie.
One healthy way to “do comparison” is to take the advice of NLP experts and model them.
The quickest way to achieve success is to model someone who is already achieving what you want. Success leaves clues. If someone has a great relationship, is super successful in business, or they have the body or energy you desire, they are not lucky. They have specific strategies they used to create those things. Those strategies can be duplicated. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel, simply model what is working for someone else and see if it works for you.
In other words, when you start comparing yourself to someone, make it a learning experience. Learning from other people speeds up the creation process.
Instead of thinking, “she has something I don’t have and that means something negative about me.”
Flip it to, “She has something I don’t have. What can I learn from her so I can create the same thing?”
Every person that comes into my space has a purpose. “I ask myself, what am I supposed to learn from them or how can I contribute to them?”
Yesterday, a man asked to sit with me at Starbucks. It was odd because my table was as small as a quarter and had 2 seats. I hesitated because I was working against a deadline, but I said yes. Turns out that he was a professional baseball scout and my son and my partner’s son both just so happen to have a desire to play pro baseball! That information did not reveal itself until deep into the conversation. I had to approach the conversation, not as a distraction, but as a learning experience and a way to contribute.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Change comparison to curiosity and watch your life transform!
Another strategy to combat toxic comparison is to create an “I Love Me Toolkit”.
Inside your toolkit:
- Prepare positive affirmations to say to yourself when you fall into the trap of unhealthy comparison.
I am special
I have a unique purpose to fulfill
I honor my own God-given beauty and talent
There is no one like me
- Make a “What’s Great About Me” List. Ask your friends and family to give you some ideas. Put it on your phone and read it often!
- Watch how much time you spend on social media and be present to your thoughts. Facebook is the number one platform for comparison. We can be in a great mood, then start flipping through our news feed and see people who seem to have it all – fancy cars, clothes, vacations, soul-mates, wild success and extreme bliss – and then our energy and mood plummet.
I say this to myself when I start feeling the surge of unhealthy comparison: “I’m so happy for them! I’m next in line for a blessing.”
The energy we put into to the universe comes back to us, just like a boomerang. If we exude negative energy, we will get negative energy back. If we are genuinely happy for someone, then positive energy flows our way — followed by positive experiences.
- Decide to be Beyond Comparison
To be beyond comparison means that something is so good that nothing can be compared to it.
That’s YOU!!! Nothing and no one can compare to you.
You care about people. You are generous, loving and you give yourself wholeheartedly. You make a difference in the way only you can.
Sometimes you don’t even notice your own greatness. Your gifts come so naturally that you don’t even realize just how awesome you are.
I am writing this message as a reminder just for you. Never take yourself for granted. Always remember that you are more than enough — you are one in a billion. Seriously! There are 7.4 billion people on earth and not one of them is like you.
You have all you need right now to live your purpose and realize your dreams. All you need to do is keep being you and keep taking action!!
You are loved. You are amazing.
You are beyond comparison!