On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you? What would need to happen for you to be at a 10?
Rarely ever does someone say 10, however, someone did yesterday. My dear friend was in a car accident and could have been killed. But by the grace of God, he came out without a scratch. His eyes were lit up, he was alive and full of energy. He was as happy as he could ever be. Nothing had changed in his life. He still had the same job, income, relationship and body, yet his perception had completely shifted.
There is always more happiness to be had. We want more money, less debt, a better career, a new relationship, a thinner body, a nicer house, and sometimes we just want to simplify our lives.
We tend to focus on what we don’t have instead of what we do have. We worry about things going wrong instead of looking at what’s going right.
We are conditioned in this country to strive for perfection, to have it all and have it all work. So when everything is great except for one thing, we obsess over the one thing and lose sight of what’s great.
Have you ever given a presentation or created a project and there was one mistake? Did you focus on the one mistake verses the other 97% that was flawless?
This way of thinking makes us unhappy. When you are craving something or someone you don’t have, your attention is on what you are missing. It produces a feeling that what you have is not enough. You feel that something is not right.
Attachment to what you don’t have causes suffering. You are not content where you are and it bothers you. I am happy, but…. My life is good, but…. My marriage is good, but…. I am happy with the way I look, but….
Lose Your But!
Choose to be happy now, where you are and with what you have. I guarantee that when you get to where you want to be, you won’t be happy because you will have new problems and new goals. It’s a cycle.
Maybe you don’t need to change your relationship, just change the way you look at the one you have. You may not need to change your job, simply get re-motivated and change your view of the one you have. True happiness comes from your outlook on life, your attitude and perception.
Reframe the way you see something or someone and you shift.
Happiness is not a just feeling, it’s a choice. It should be a verb because requires action. If you are waiting to be happy, you will be waiting a long time. Be happy now in your everyday life. Love the life you have and you will be in a better space to reach your goals.
Part of realizing your goals and dreams is the process of getting there. Some of my greatest memories are of my husband and I building our life and business. The small condo where we first lived had a balcony where I use to sit and dream about the future.
His first office was so tiny that he would bump his head on a light fixture because there was no room to move. I rented my wedding dress to save money. On weekends, we would go driving around and looking at neighborhoods where we wanted to live. We were not where we wanted to be, but we had fun and we were happy on our journey.
Having dreams and goals are important, however, don’t sacrifice your peace and happiness right now. Enjoy the ride on the way to your dreams.
Everyone has faults and weaknesses, and things about ourselves we want to change. We have fears, anxiety, moodiness, illness and choices we have made that have produced undesireable consequences. We are overweight and underweight; overworked and underpaid. We are human and imperfectly perfect. Highlight your strengths and stop looking at your weaknesses. Stop judging others and wishing you were someone better. No one better is out there. Everyone has stuff to deal with.
I had a friend who was a huge success. He worked long hours and took very little time off for himself or his family. He had big goals, but he wasn’t really happy or fulfilled.
I asked him once, “John, what needs to happen before you can truly be happy?” He replied, “ I want my company to grow to a certain level, then I will buy a boat and travel, relax and spend more time with my wife and kids. Then I will be really happy. I have a plan, he said. John died of a heart attack at 38. That was not part of his plan.
Goals are great. But you are never promised a tomorrow.
I have clients that are so busy looking back at their ex, they are missing everything right in front of them. It’s time to move on, close the door behind you and be open to something new.
You develop where you focus your energy. if you are always thinking about a past love and wondering why, how, what if and what are they doing, it’s like driving forward looking in the rear view mirror. You won’t attract a new mate if you are still obsessing over someone else. No one wants to be second place.
Decide to be happy where you are now, right now, without them in your life. They were there for a season and for a reason, but it’s time to turn the page and write the next chapter of your life.
Constantly thinking and talking about your ex is like keeping a knife in your wound. It never has a chance to heal. Get busy creating your own happiness. Move on.
One of my beautiful clients sent this to me and I put it up in my office:
“You will get there when you are meant to get there and not one moment sooner. So relax, be patient and breathe. God is in control.”
Don’t wait for a future date to be happy. Don’t wait for a tragedy to change your perspective. Choose to happy right now and enjoy your everyday life.